Super Bowl of Success!

For the past week I've been seeing a full page ad in the Arizona Republic everyday inviting me to the "The Super Bowl of Success" also described as Get Motivated! Business Seminar. I thought it selfish of me to not comment on the humor of it all. Everyday I see this I ad I laugh out loud. For whatever reason the joke never gets old. Who in their right mind thinks that their lack of success in their business is the result of a lack of motivation? I suppose the answer is thousands upon thousands of mindless drones who will show up for this event. To provide a little more color on the action packed event here are the speakers listed:
Gen. Colin Powell
Steve Forbes
Zig Ziglar
Rudy Giuliani
Kurt Warner
Laura Bush
While perhaps these are all fine people (probably not but I'm trying to be nice), I'd love to know how any of these titans of industry are qualified to discuss business issues. The first was a career soldier and then a bureaucrat, the second inherited his grandfather's publishing business, the third has made a career dispensing platitudes to those unfortunate souls who were lured into Amway cult meetings, the fourth was another career bureaucrat who has capitalized on the spotlight put on him for being the mayor of New York on 9/11, and the fifth is a professional football player. The last of course married into one of the modern day political dynasties of America.
If that doesn't sound like the all star lineup of the century to "motivate you to business success" what is? Again, the bigger absurdity is the entire concept that business success is directly proportional to your motivation. News flash, the most motivated people in the world live in abject poverty. I'll make a guess that my idea of motivation pales in comparison to the motivation it takes to walk barefoot, 1200 miles accross Africa to get to refugee camp after seeing your family be hacked to death.
If only business could be reduced to such simple platitudes as "Keys to Embrace Your Struggles and Come out on Top" (one of the riveting subjects that Captain Platitude, Zig Ziglar will be speaking on at this life changing event!).
One of the quotations in the ad says, "You may have attended business seminars before, but you've never seen anything like this...Secrets, Formulas, and Wisdom..." Sounds like an invite to a Masonic Lodge.
If only I had those Secrets, Formulas, and Wisdom I could stay motivated and my motivation would have kept my clients from going bankrupt and thereby they would have been able to pay me. Damn it, it's all so clear now...one part motivation, two parts secret, throw in a formula and then a dash of wisdom gained from playing pro football or marrying into a political dynasty and I'm back in business.
Things are looking up for me now, see you all on February 4 with notebook in hand to get my secrets, formulas, and wisdom that will motivate me to success!

Just for fun here are what the honest titles that each speaker should be assigned.
Gen Colin Powell--How I was lucky enough not to be killed in battle
Steve Forbes--How I was lucky enough to be born rich and I'm still doing the same job my grandfather and father did
Zig Ziglar--How I was lucky enough to live at a time when Multi Level Marketing went mainstream and I could make money, "motivating people"
Rudy Giuliani--How I was lucky enough to be mayor of New York when a terrorist attack took place, otherwise no one reading the Arizona Republic would know who I am
Kurt Warner--How I was lucky enough for Trent Green to get hurt when I was the second string quarterback for the Rams
Laura Bush--How I was lucky enough that the druken, coked out Bush boy I married actually got sober

Ecclesiastes 9:11
I returned, and saw under the sun, that the race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, neither yet bread to the wise, nor yet riches to men of understanding, nor yet favour to men of skill; but time and chance happeneth to them all.

Like it or not that's the "key to success" time and chance, commonly known as luck.